From secret glances and a single rose to grand proposals: Love through the decades | Lucknow News
In the 1960s, saying “I love you” was a taboo. Love survived on stolen glances, secret meetings behind Chattar Manzil, and perhaps a rose or perfumed letters exchanged though friends or siblings. By the early 2000s, it spoke through SMS, borrowed phones, shared chocolates, pizza dates and choco lava cake that could fix almost any fight. By 2024, it showed up as lengthy messages, sunset proposals on mountain peaks, orchids instead of roses, and conversations centred as much on respect and emotional availability, as on romance.This Valentine’s Day, we traced three couples from Lucknow across generations to see how the language of love has evolved over the years. From cycling to his would-be’s college for a glimpse to secret pizza dates to a photographed proposal, the format of love may have changed but the feelings remain the same – that of devotions, understanding and mutual respect. ‘We would sit by the river behind Chattar Manzil and just talk’ For veteran actor and Padma Shri awardee Dr Anil Rastogi and his wife Dr Sudha Rastogi, romance began at the age of 19 and 16, respectively. “We had an early arranged marriage in 1962, and love came later for us. She was 16 and I was 19, when we got marriage. That was the acceptable age for marriage in those days,” Rastogi recalls. “My wife was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen. There was no concept of meeting before marriage at that time, as there is today. Back then, people only used to see each other, sirf dekhne ko milta tha, milne ko nahi,” Rastogi reflects. Sudha Rastogi, echoing the same story, recalls, “I remember how my mother used to tell me that I should be back home before sunset, so there was no chance of meeting Doctor sahab alone. In fact in those days it was so difficult for lovers to even catch a glimpse of each other!” she laughs. “Another one of my fondest memories is of me cycling to Lucknow University to catch a glimpse of her,” recalls Dr Rastogi.Recalling their favourite spots in the city, Rastogi says, “There was no concept of going on a honeymoon in the 60s. After we got married, we used to go a lot to Shaheed Smarak or Chattar Manzil where we would sit and talk. After her classes ended, she would come to my office, and we’d go home for lunch together.”Love was extremely simple back in the 60s. The gifts that used to be exchanged was a rose mostly. Most of our friends would exchange letters, often sprayed with perfume which were sent clandestinely through friends or siblings. An open expression of love was rare or almost negligible in our younger days – Dr Anil Rastogi, belonging to the Silent Generation, got married in 1962
Rohit Gurnani and Suhani Gurnani (inset) in 2002
When choco lava cake and SMS fixed everything for Gen ZsFor Gen Z 44-year-old entrepreneur Rohit Gurnani, love began with a fleeting glance at a wedding function in the late 90s. He has now been with Suhani Gurnani, 38, since 2002, and the couple will complete 19 years of marriage this December. Their romance unfolded in the era of SMS, letters and borrowed phone calls. “There was no WhatsApp during our time. We would take our fathers’ or friends’ mobile phones to speak to each other. Letters definitely played a role in our love life. And yes, chocolates and pizza were the core expressions of love at that time,” says Rohit. What Rohit cherishes most are the long, uninterrupted conversations. “Ek mulaqat par baith kar ghanton baat karte the. There was a certain shyness and fear of being spotted by someone that gave love its thrills. That was the case with most dating couples at that time. Today, people keep a checklist of personality traits and compatibility factors; back then, it was just love, like it still is for us.”“A chocolate or a pizza felt like a big romantic gesture compared to today’s era of luxury gifting. What I cherish most are the long, uninterrupted conversations Suhani and I had. Ek mulaqat par baith kar ghanton baat karte the. There was no taking selfies or social media confessions of love.”
Nikita and Harshit (inset) in 2024
‘Our generation wants respect, not just romance’ Cut to 2024. Millenials and enterpreneurs Nikita, 28, meets Harshit, 29, when their families arranged a meeting in Delhi. “I was a Delhi girl, and he was a Lucknow boy. Our families had been introduced after my father spotted him at a political event. Later, we exchanged numbers and immediately started talking to each other. The conversations went on for almost two months over texts, calls and video calls.”Unlike earlier generations who relied on stolen glances and clandestine meetings and calls, Nikita and Harshit’s courtship was shaped by travel and shared experiences that their parents were well aware of. “Harshit would visit me in Delhi and we also went on several trips together which our parents knew about. Ours was an open affair visible to all despite a little complication,” Nikita explains. And as Nikita explains, the language of love for millenials like her is also different from the previous generations. “We indulge in a lot of messaging throgh whatsapp,” explains Nikita. “Mine are to the point while Harshit’s are lengthy ones and very expressive. His expression of love is also very luxurious in the sense that he oves to shower me with expensive gifts,” laughs Nikita. When asked to define love for her generation, Nikita says, “Love for our generation is definitely about giving a woman independence and time. We are not just settling for the bare minimum. The amount of respect I give to my partner, I expect the same from him. I should not be the only one putting effort into the relationship. Emotional availability is another thing we want in our partner. We also have an understanding that my work is just as important as his. The financial independance is not taken as a threat or arrogance, it is taken with respect and understanding.”Love for our generation is definitely about giving a woman independence and time. We are not just settling for the bare minimum. The amount of respect I give to my partner, I expect the same from him. I should not be the only one putting effort into the relationship. Emotional availability is another thing we want in our partner– Nikita Singh, a millenial who got married in 2024-Amina Ashraf
